Dr. Bob's "2 Bits" for the week

Thanks to Dr. Bob for this great piece.

My 2 Bits for the week:

1) A writer for the Toronto Star has encouraged her countrymen/women to get real in dealing with the many hazards related to the so-called "Canada Goose." Evidently the birds are hazards to water quality, residential area health, aviation safety, and I'm not certain what else--and as their numbers grow so do the threats they pose. Air safety issues aside, the health risks associated with the geese are linked primarily to their excrement, to put it gently. The Toronto writer asserts that "a single adult goose defecates once very seven minutes and can unload more than 2 pounds of poop in a single day." You can do the math to realize the problem when the geese gather in a gaggle. She urges us to stop using the name "Canada Goose" and to switch back to an earlier tag, "cackling goose," so that Canadians will be less hesitant to kill or otherwise control the numbers of what many think is their official national bird (it isn't). This might bring Canadian efforts at goose control more on a par with those of other territories which lengthened the hunting season, increased the bag limit, trained dogs to chase the geese, or even used portable gas chambers to thin the numbers in parks (I don't much care for that last method).

A recent piece on NPR described one woman's environmental and financial success in dealing with overpopulation of cackling geese in this country. Wrapped in tree-hugging verbiage, the woman hires out to stalk the geese to discover their nests when they are most likely to be filled with goose eggs. Then, using a completely environmentally safe, special, and expensive (to her clients) oil, she carefully lifts each egg out of the nest, gently coats its surface with her oil, and replaces each of the clutch to its place in the parent nest. The result is that the developing gosling suffocates inside the egg shell. The professional's voice is soft and reassuring, but what she is doing is murdering the unborn geese. If she were an honest hunter/gatherer she would collect the eggs from the nests and give them to somebody to eat--thereby being just as effective in population control but less wasteful of the eggs.

Could this basic need to respond to the problems of nuisance geese inspire a new area of commerce in these hard times with so many unemployed and underemployed people casting about for ways to survive, even prosper? The Romans, we are told, used geese as burglar alarms. We know that they will strip an area bare of grass and other vegetation--and now we are informed of their prodigious poop production. So, is there a way to establish a blending of urban security concerns, landscaping chores, and natural recycling to nourish the environment?

I think you should experiment with a small flock of cackling geese (8 or 10 as a start) and begin to market them as providing a variety of useful services. On delivery to the consumer's property and on a one fee covers all basis the geese immediately will establish a natural burglar/intruder alarm and enforcement system that requires no electronic connection to the local police. Simultaneously the same birds will remove every trace of weeds in the garden and lawn (up to the client to protect the vegetation that actually is desirable and/or was planted on purpose). And in a very short time (average of 7 minutes, I guess) the birds will begin to fertilize the lawn and garden with a volume of quality guano that not only is regular (no pun intended) but also voluminous.

And every bit of this industriousness is totally "green" (this pun is intended). Once your contract with the property owner has been satisfied you are able to retrieve your geese--all of them well-fed, healthy, happy and ready for the next location. You can avoid negative and unintended consequences of increased threats to air safety (produced by growing populations of geese), for example, using my Grandmother's method of clipping the wing feathers of her parakeet to deter its tendency to fly high and wide.

No, really, this is worth your consideration. It is the American way and will put you directly in league with our Founding Fathers and their entrepreneurial talents. How do you think they amassed those "personal fortunes" they risked in signing the Declaration of Independence?

2) I am certain of my memories of childhood back-to-school preparations that included buying new corduroy pants and wool sweaters, but these days many schools seem to be gearing up for mid-August starts. The academic atmosphere was enhanced last week by an ad I read that offers a course entitled "The Medieval World." Available in DVD for $99.95 and in Audio CD for only $69.95, the course is in thirty-six 30-minute lectures and reminds me of my undergraduate days in the listed scope of the presentations: "Daily Life in a Noble Household," "Daily Life in a Medieval Village," "Medieval City Life," "Music and Entertainment," "Art and Artisans," "Science and Technology," and the rest of the list. I think it is a fascinating subject area, the price is reasonable, and there are no exams! The sponsoring company, The Teaching Company, has any number of such "courses" in every academic discipline I have heard of at good prices and many of them seeming to be worth my attention.

The same operation includes a course, "The English Novel," that offers 24 lectures by DVD or CD at a price even more of a bargain than the package that first caught my eye. I scanned through a list in chemistry, math, sociology, psychology, philosophy, music, history and on and on.

But in looking through the online catalog I was reminded of the other opportunities out there if I want to spend time with continuing education for personal enrichment. Almost every higher education institution offers a full schedule of regular and online courses, some of them open to seniors at a modest fee (or free). Most colleges have an arm for community education as well--non-credit offerings mostly. And with computer access, one can graze through a sweeping meadow of free lectures--even entire courses--offered by Stanford, Berkeley, MIT, Yale, and many others. Think about Yale's "English 310, Modern Poetry." Here Yale's Professor Langston Hammer moves from Frost to Yeats (three lectures) to Eliot and so on. It seems it would be worth the time to download just those lectures that are of special interest or are on a favorite poet--if nothing else. With a computer in front of you there is no other cost for the experience. Would you miss the interaction of the classroom atmosphere and population? OK, bring your book club or lunch group together to fill those voids as all of you take and compare notes on the lectures---all free except for the fruit salad, muffins and tea somebody will provide.

Regardless of your own academic major(s), in spite of your career's focus, going beyond your usual curiosity about subjects near and far, these sources and others, especially those online, can bring you more information and stimulation than you can handle. It's convenient and available no matter where you are located. It is almost limitless in topic and approach. It is open entirely to whatever happens to be your schedule at work, with errands, with family, with travel. It is a valuable use of available time and effort. It comes at a very reasonable price----very often it is free. Hmm, I might have a hard time finding good reasons not to take advantage.